I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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