i think my tv is drunk
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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