The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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