i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
