what day is it and did you see me today?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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