Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
