I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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