Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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