We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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