I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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