Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
