i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
