How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
