Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
