Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
