Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
