You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
