he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
