Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
