get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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