went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
