He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
