if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
please come you make the beer taste better
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
