it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
