I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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