Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
