im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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