Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
