oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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