Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
