I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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