girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
