What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
