he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you will always have a special place in my vag
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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