Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
