i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
