Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
