I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
