Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
