I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
