Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
