Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love having hate sex.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
