He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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