that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How does one acquire holy water?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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