My first STD was from a foam party
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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