This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
