I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
