that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
