Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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