Non-Jews are for practice
and she was petting her beer can
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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