You made me cry and you don't even care
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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