Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
