No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
