Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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