He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
