Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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