i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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