Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
