nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
