The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
did i just pee glitter
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