smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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