you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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