she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Less talking, more tequila
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
